No regrets
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Hawkeye has moved out of the Swamp and B.J. wants him to come home. SLASH.


**A/N: For the prompt "You are not alone." I wrote this listening to the Michael Jackson song. Ironically Sentimental Journey just started to play afterwards. This is based on the episode where Potter is trying to do a painting of the gang but Hawkeye has moved out. Some of the examples I've given in this story may be out of episode order, please forgive me. **

_Dear Hawkeye._

_I can't sleep. You've moved out, for God knows what reasons. I've tried to talk to you . I know we haven't been getting along lately, and for that I feel bad. I wish I could take back some of the words I've said to you. You've been gone two days, Hawkeye, and it feels like a lifetime. I miss you. I miss your jokes, your pranks, your laughter, hell I even miss your nailing my shoe to the floor if that's what it takes to bring you back to the swamp where you belong. It's not the same without you here. Charles is driving me crazy as you can imagine. He's trying, alright; he's trying my every nerve. He means well believe it or not but I need you here with me to deal with him. I just need you here period. I don't know what it is that drove you to think that you need to be by yourself from now on but you are not alone._

_You're part of me, part of my skin, part of my air. I don't know when or how or where it began but it did. God knows I've tried to get you out of my mind but I can't. I'm just not the same without you around, Hawkeye. I'm not myself. I miss you and I don't know how to be me without you. You saved me when I needed to be saved. You know me better than I know myself. When I laugh, you're there to laugh with me, sometimes at me. You drink with me, play with me, cry with me, share with me. When you get a newspaper from home I'm the first to read it, unlike certain roommates who shall remain nameless. You're the first person to try a piece of Peg's apple brown Betty. And then there are the not so good times we share. There are the times we have to tell a soldier he has leukemia. Or that he's going to have to lose a leg. Or that he's not going to make it home for Christmas. I I think of these things and how we went through them together. You were definitely not alone then, and you are not now. _

_I wonder what's gotten you to the place where you want to isolate yourself. I understand the frustration that comes from living with two other men. I share those feelings. Are there things that you haven't told me? Have I taken you for granted? I like to think that I know you better than I know myself but I see that there is a side to you that I don't know. Never in a million years would I have dreamt that you would pack your things and leave. And I'm hurt. I thought that we were a team. I thought that as long as I had you then maybe, just maybe I could make it through this blasted war. And now you're a million miles away from me but I want you to know that I'm here to stay. You're not alone, Hawkeye, no matter how you're feeling at the moment. I'm here and I haven't changed. Well, maybe I have changed through this. Maybe I won't take for granted those jokes and that laughter that seems to be unlimited. I see know that there are limits, and for that I'm truly sorry. Please come home._

_Beej_

The note was slipped into Hawkeye's new living quarters, and before he could leave Hawkeye walked in.

"Did you need something?" Hawkeye asked suspiciously.

"I…I…I was just leaving this for you. It's not important. I should be going now."

"It was important enough for you to break into a fellow's home. Let's have it."

All of a sudden B.J. felt like the world's biggest ass. He looked around for a hole that he could crawl into. Aside from that, the next nearest exit would do. Apparently the only way out would be to pass through Hawkeye.

"Well, let's have it." Hawkeye said, impatiently.

Reluctantly, B.J. handed over the note. He waited for a reaction.

"Beej…I had no idea you felt like this." Hawkeye settled on those words as he finally looked up at his former roommate.

"Well, I do. Things haven't been right between us and I'd like them to be. I'd do anything for them to be right again."

"I don't know if things can ever be the same again, Beej. I've been doing some thinking. I'm not the same person that I was before." Hawkeye looked away.

"And I'm not the same person either." B.J. put his hand on Hawkeye's shoulder.

Hawkeye froze, wondering what would happen next.

"I miss you." B.J. whispered, his breath hitting the back of Hawkeye's neck. The dark-haired surgeon shivered as he turned to face his friend.

"I miss you too."

"So what does this mean?" B.J. asked as he leaned in very closely to Hawkeye.

"Whatever you want it to mean." Hawkeye replied as he shut his eyes and waited to see what happened next. B.J. needed no further invitation. He leaned in and kissed his friend deeply, the first of many kisses.

"Are you sorry this happened?" Hawkeye asked as he put his shorts back on.

B.J. smiled reassuringly. "Nope. No regrets. Does this mean you're moving back to the swamp?"

"I don't know, I kind of like having a private place…but then again the rent's killing me." He added when he saw how sad B.J. looked.

And with that, it was decided that Hawkeye would return to the swamp and the boys would continue their secret affair …with no regrets.


End file.
